6.22.2007

Some people...

A little while back I sold a Barnes and Noble gift card on Craiglist. Here is a response I got from "Patrick" and my long winded highly irregular crazy response:

Patrick:

That is a crappy deal...are you kidding? I will give you 18.00, no make it
12.84. What do you say?

Me:
I agree. That is a crappy deal. But for whom? For you? For me? Please be more specific so that we can meet up and you can buy your books, dvds, cds, textbooks, magazines, games, cookbooks, sandwiches (there is a deli in the store), coffee, hot chocolate (if you are mormon), bookmarks, and or calendars.
Do you plan to use it online or go into the store? I prefer the actual store because I can feel and smell the books. Sometimes a book looks to be a good read, but upon smelling it, I am turned off of the subject. Por example: I came across a very mesmerizing self help guide on becoming a more well rounded gardener. This startled and amazed me because I've always wanted to perfect my skills at planting and watering. I usually get the planting part write but always botch the watering. That reminds me of the time I planted some lettuces and I accidentally watered them with gasoline and they died. But I didn't know they had died until I made a sandwich with the lettuce. As I was eating the sandwich (it had roast beef, tomatoes, garlic, pepperjack cheese, bananas, oreos, sprite and mayo on it), I thought, "This tastes funny." And it did. It tasted like gasoline. I know what gas tastes like because I use to be a gas station attendant at the Holiday Gas Station on Center Street in Orem. While thusly employed, I would drink some of the gas in the form of a dare from my rambuncious yet civil co-workers. Ah, good times were had by all.
Anyway, back to the lecture at hand; if you choose to go into the store or shop online it doesn't matter. These cards can be used in either location. Let me know asap when and where and how you would like to pick these up. Would you like them in an envelope? I can paperclip them together, enabling you to transport them more easily if you'd like. A rubber band might work as effectively, holding the cards together in a small bunch.
Sincerely,
Dylan


I never heard from him again but I did sale the card!

-Dylan

PS: Leah told me not to put this up because my letter wasn't funny enough. I think she's wrong. What do you think?

10 comments:

Melanie said...

It made me laugh.

Anonymous said...

You should listen to Leah more.

Leah said...

I didn't say not to put it up at all, just not here. Dylan started his own blog specifically for posting craigslist responses, and I merely suggested that might be a better place to post this. Besides, there are some grammatical mistakes.

Anonymous said...

I found it enlightening, perplexing, superfluous, and deeply philosophical. I say, continue to post!

Anonymous said...

Well I personally thought it was funny. Way to go Dylan!

The Woolner Family said...

Dude, that was totally funny. I especially liked how you went from gift cards to lettuce. Genius.

La Familia Higgy said...

Thanks for the encouragement. Chasamber, I agree that this is pure genius.

Booya Leah, booya!

Anonymous said...

I wish I had an editor. But I wouldn't listen to her either.

Stephanie said...

Dylan, you still crack me up! You haven't changed a bit.

Heather Mowrer said...

Well, I like gasoline on my sanwiches too, Dylan, but with the price of petrol these days, who can afford it? Very clever of you to "infuse" the leaves at an earlier stage of their devlopment.